I read an article over at Harvard Business Publishing that made me think about the dynamics of men and women in the work place and what works and what does not work. The post is actually about trans-gender employees in the workplace but touches on how some see a marked difference in how they were treated as a male as opposed to how they treated as a female. While I cannot speak to the transgenders, being 100% female factory direct, I can speak to the treatment of women in the office.
I recall in my early days in corporate America being treated with some condescension and reproach. Of course, these were the days when I was fresh from college (that little bastion of Liberal Thought on the Charles), wearing pant suits and minimal makeup. When I think back, I see that I was trying to be a man in a man’s world. It was not effective. And the reason? We, women, asked to be treated like equals. What the hell does that mean? Treat me like a man? Talk to me like a sailor on shore leave? Crack my ass with a towel in the locker room? Tell me a sacrilegious joke at the water cooler? Invite me out to cognac and cigars at a gentleman’s club? Probably not what Gloria Steinem was envisioning when she said “equal.”
Resource: If Women Were More Like Men from Harvard Business Publishing
So what is it women want in the workplace?
Let’s start with what I don’t want. I don’t want to be asked to go staple or file or type something. I don’t want to have to get coffee or water or tea. I don’t want to have to sleep with a mid level executive to get an office with a window. Now what do I want? I still want doors opened for me, I still want to be the center of attention and I definitely want to be invited into the inner circle so I can get more, better, faster deals done. So, how does a little girl get invited into the Old Boys Club so she can do that?
What about women in the workplace threatens men?
Nothing. Women aren’t the problem. I don’t think women in pantsuits threaten men – I think most men are bone weary and harboring a latent hostility that they have to measure every word against political correctness and the strictures of polite society. Let’s face it – men have balls and they like to be able to use them. Women’s Lib of the 60s, the touchy feely “don’t let me feeling step on yours” and “everybody is a winner” movements of the 80s coupled closely with the political correctness of the 90s castrated these poor men. They are like geldings on a dude ranch in the office. They have to have just enough testosterone to get the deal done but not enough to want to beguile the unsuspecting mares in the stable. Can you see how this would be a little confusing and a lot “not fair.”
What do men want that will help them give you what you want?
At this point, their balls back. Let them feel like stallions in the office. Let them say something ridiculously off color things to you without getting offended. Take a cue from the fashions of the 40s and 50s – dress like a goddess in the office. Do your makeup and hair. Wear heels and for heaven’s sake – pair a brain with a pushup bra. It’s amazing the change you see in the way men treat you in the office. Think this is all a bit of hooey?
A Lesson from the WB
I worked briefly with Warner Bros in the late 90s and noticed something about the female execs – they traded their sensible pumps in for Jimmy Choos, brought a bit of whimsy into their interactions with the men and voila, they were treated like ladies in the office and tigers in the boardrooms. They got respect by embracing their femininity not denying it and holding men to some ridiculous standards of Victorian obscenity. I don’t know if it was an effort to fit in or to aspire to be more like these powerful women, but I started wearing more makeup, then higher heels (OK, I totally needed to do that anyway, I’m 5’1” on a tall day) and accessorizing. A while later, I started saying outrageous things. I started being the girl these powerful people had to take with them to the bar or the invitation only event or the strip club. I was the girl that could do the same deal they were doing. A wingman, per se. So, I learned from the best. Fun fact, since that day, I get doors opened, I have big deals with men and women and I don’t ever get a condescending tone from superiors.
Consider the types of women who have historically infiltrated (not emasculated or taken by force) the old boys clubs of politics and industry. You might think of Cleopatra, Queen Elizabeth, Katherine the Great, Coco Chanel, Condoleezza Rice, Carly Fiorina, etc. They all have a certain powerful sensuality to them. They knew/know how to pair a push-up bra with a brain! Is that really so offensive?
For the women that are offended by this post
I am a woman in the workplace that deals predominantly with men in technology, entertianment and banking that are accustomed to doe eyed girls batting their eyes at them while eying their wallets. I have no intention of doing either. A war is always won by the side with the best weapons. So, why would I discard some of my most important assets simply because they lack political correctness? My one liners are intended to beguile the other sex because they are the ones I am most likely at the table with. They show wit, intelligence, a sense of whimsy, power and confidence in my femininity. If I can get the boys to look at my left hand with a few racy comments and some Jimmy Choo shoes, I can incrementally negotiate with them in my right hand. If Sun Tzu were Marilyn Monroe, that’s how he would have said it. I reject the feminist movement because it went too far and stopped most men from treating us like ladies and being men themselves. I refuse to be only 2 letters away from a man and I intend to remind every man of that simple fact with the clothes I wear and the words I choose.
If you want to take this as a conversation about feminism and equality: I am a capitalist not a communist. I don’t believe men and women need to be equals. I want to do a hostile takeover and plant my flag on their turf. A woman is anatomically built to succeed at the negotiating table, not the casting couch. Physiologically, we have more connective tissue between the right and left hemispheres of our brains making us better communicators and negotiators – you add a dash of sex to that and you have a woman with an atom bomb fighting a man with a musket. We, by all rights, have so many advantages, it is no wonder men kept us in a kitchen for so long. So, if that kind of schpeel makes me a feminist, fine. But at the end of the day, I am offended by women who take offense to femininity and the inherent sensuality the Lord Almighty bestowed upon Eve.
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