I want to start this post with this thought. I love historical quotes, especially witty and insightful ones. But, come on people, this fad of auto posting quotations to your Twitter profile… horrible. It makes you look like you have nothing original to add to the conversation and Twitter is all about the conversation. So, here’s a tip, try to limit your quotations posts to only those that truly inspire or engage you and do your best to come up with your own original quotes or one liners and get them out there on Twitter or Facebook. Don’t believe it works? Look at Gary V, his one liner, “Crush It!” has already made it into the public consciousness and was even recently included in an episode of 30Rock.
One of my secret potions to making people listen and recall whatever boring thing I have to say is the power of the one liner. Anytime I meet someone, speak at a convention, hold a webinar or write a piece for a magazine, blog or even an email, I always make sure I say something that will make them think, laugh or horrify them. I often go for the something witty, insightful, racy and on point. That seems to work best for me. This little trick can help you to craft other people’s perception of you as “smart” and “funny.” And who doesn’t want to be around someone “smart” and “funny?” We all love to be entertained and made to think, so crafting a handful of smart, witty phrases or comebacks to common questions and or situations you might run into in your life or business is a wise move.
How Billy Lightened Up Queen Elizabeth with One Liners
This tactic is actually age old and often used by Shakespeare. Shakespeare wrote plays that both the Queen and the common people came to see so he needed to make sure that he got in at least one good one liner in each and every scene. You might recall the line in Romeo and Juliet, “Get thee to a nunnery.” (For those not following along with Cliff Notes or those who slept through high school English). This line was funny at the time because of the second meaning of a nunnery as a whorehouse. It was a memorable and racy line – basically, a “take-away” that audience members could take back and repeat in their daily lives. It kept people wanting to come back for more of the iambic pentameter (seriously, have you read that phrase since high school?) this Billy Shakespeare kid was selling.
You want to give people a “take away” from an encounter with you and since you are not Paris Hilton that can freely distribute Herpes Simplex X (yes, I just typed that) to your circle of influence, settle on a good one liner. Craft them based on the following criteria:
1. Consider common situations you might use a one liner to diffuse and awkward situation, lighten the mood or simply seal a deal
2. Consider your personality. If you have a dark sense of humor or are flirty or just boldly brilliant and witty make sure your one liner compliments your personality. (One quick disclaimer to the men out there- unless you are supremely confident and already know you can pull off “flirty” stay away from that one- you can come off as supremely creepy.)
3. Start with at about 5 really well crafted lines. Over time as you encounter new and exciting situations that just roll over and beg for a one liner, add to your library.
Classic one liners
OK. Since I think you need some inspiration. Below are a few of my favorite one liners. If you have any great one liners of your own or ones from history, please feel free to offer them up in the comments.
Dolly Parton
“It costs a lot of money to look this cheap”
“I have got little feet because nothing grows in the shade”
“I was the first woman to burn my bra – it took the fire department four days to put it out.”
“I never let a rhinestone go unturned”
Winston Churchill
A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English.
Mae West
A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up.
A hard man is good to find.
His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork.
I believe that it’s better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked.
I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported.
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
I speak two languages, Body and English.
When women go wrong, men go right after them.
Just because I think you all should know exactly how twisted I am, here is a small selection of my veritable cornucopia of reasonably inoffensive one liners. (yes, that was a disclaimer). If you are easily offended- avert your eyes and call a counselor NOW.
Since most men can see better than they can think, I figure if I can look better than I can cook, I’ll always get taken to dinner
Variation for the office: Since most men can see better than they can think, I figure if I can look better than I can type, they’ll always make sure I have a secretary
I love the feminists, I’m just on the other side of that issue. I need a bra and still like heels and skirts and doors held open for me.
When you assume things, you make an ass out of you and me – don’t make an ass out of me.
No, no, don’t rush… take your time – think it out, I wait for crazy.
It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip ‘em the bird. I’m lazy, can you guess which one I am doing now?
You can drowned just as easily in a bath half full as a half empty one.
Life’s a bitch, if it were easy it’d be a slut.
Do my breast implants make me look fat in these jeans? (to be used only when you are not getting paid enough attention – use it wisely, girls.)
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