Introduction by Mary McKnight
So, everyday, my fiancé and Sacrilicious COO, Nick Cammarata, says or does something that, while patently insane, actually makes for not just a hearty laugh but a really smart business lesson. Why, just the other day, we were in a store and he saw Scott Disik (Kourtney Kardashain’s boyfriend) on OK Magazine and began to rant about him and a plethora of other celebrities including but not limited to Spencer Pratt, Carrot Top, M Night Shyamalan, Tom Cruise, and The Dell Kid… The rant basically explained his Sucker Punch List and why Scott Disik was #5 on the list. The “Sucker Punch List” is for celebs that just have no right being a celeb, no redeeming quality or have lost him as a fan for whatever reasons. He made it clear that this was not some kind of “Fight Club” list where he would gladly enter a ring and duke it out mano y mano, this list is for people that if he saw in person, he would cross a street and run through traffic to sucker right in the melon. Clearly, there is no marketing significance in that but, Nick ended his rant with things that each celeb could do to redeem themselves. Seriously, I was almost amazed that he built a lesson into his rant because last week when someone asked him what he went to college for, he said, “Hockey.”
In any case, “Sucker Punch” Monday will be a no-holds-barred case study of a personal celebrity brand that has lost it’s luster with an analysis of the reasons why fans have fled or never flocked then the things the celeb might be able to do to rehab their reputation according to Sacrilicious.
FIRST SUCKER PUNCH MONDAY VICTIM: M Night Shaymalan.
Why Nick Thinks M Night Needs to Be Sucker Punched.
1. M Night thinks every idea he has is revolutionary even though its basically the same idea every time.
Sadly, the marketers promoting his movies go so far down the “it’s completely revolutionary”/ “this film will shock you with its twist ending” rabbit hole that we get all whipped up in the excitement. To be fair to the marketers, it’s clear M Night has sold his soul to the Devil for exclusive access to the Miracle Worker of trailer editors who somehow finds a way to stitch together crap scenes from a crap movie into the most spectacular, orgasm inducing 45 seconds of movie trailer ever seen.
2. M Night sells us a bad bill of goods in every movie trailer, so I want my money back.
While the entire burden of fan restitution does not lay on M Night’s shoulders alone, I do believe he owes his 40 acres and a mule back to movie goers in the amount of $24.50 ($11 for movie tickets and $13.50 for popcorn and soda). *The Sixth Sense would be ineligible for this remuneration, obviously, because it still stands as a great work.
That’s right, I want my damned money back, M Night. I want my money back for for finding out Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson are really superheroes. I want my money back for finding out water kills aliens and Mel Gibson’s wife tells him to swing some dumb baseball bat on her deathbed. I want my money back twice for finding out the the village is really an experiment and the movie actually takes place in modern times. I want my money back for finding out the lady in the water is, I don’t know, magic or something. I want my money back for finding out plants are making people commit suicide unless, of course, you can really turn all your house plants into a mini suicide inducing arboretum. And I want my money back for finding out you can’t even say the main character’s name correctly in The Last Airbender. M Night, I demand my money back! NOW!
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